Everything in your business is your fault
Have you ever seen (or, written) a post in a photographer’s group that starts with “the client was difficult from the start,” and then go on to name the many things that illustrated that point? They questioned the process, they complained about something, the kids didn’t cooperate, etc.
The question I’m going to challenge you with today is “whose fault is it truly?” I know many who will lay blame squarely on clients and take none themselves.
I’ll share a personal philosophy with you. When you’re ultimately in charge, everything is your fault.
Now, I see some people screaming at me through their computer screen - no! Bad clients exist! I did my best! I did everything I could humanly do and they still weren’t happy!
But I will stand by this. What I’ll say to those responses is that as the person ultimately in charge, you decided to take this client on. Perhaps you didn’t have enough of a grasp of how difficult they might be when you made that decision, but that’s also on you. You are the one who decides who you want to work with, and how to find them. If someone that’s not a fit got through your front gate, you need to fortify the front gate, not somehow attempt to change the client and make them into someone who magically fits your description. Or flame them while seeking validation in photographer groups that they be crazy and you have done no wrong (and have even gone over and above - which can actually fuel that fire because it can make you look like you can be taken advantage of). Do you see where I’m going? You might say, well I didn’t see the red flags soon enough, and that is taking responsibility because then there is opportunity to identify red flags earlier. The point is, it’s ok for it to be your fault You want it to be your fault. Raise your hands in the air and shout it from the rooftops - whoo, my fault! Why? Read on.
Simon Sinek, in his amazing book Leaders Eat Last, talks about a few crucial elements that apply here - the circle of safety and empathy.
Circle of Safety
While he speaks in the context of organizations, it really is no different applied to our industry. You are the leader in your photography business. It is your job and responsibility to take care those you have been asked to care for. In a corporate environment it is your employees (and your photography employees if you’ve gone that direction) and in the case of a sole photographer - your clients.
Consider your business a circle of safety. First, you have to decide who to let in. That’s important! The reason why we create ideal client profiles is to find people who are a fit for us and our business in order to make the experience amazing for everyone. Those looking for photography deserve to find a photographer that will meet their needs, whatever those are: budget, style of photography, values such as convenience, or luxury etc. You are not for everyone and when you try to be then it’s when things start failing. But once you’ve done this work and accepted someone into the circle of safety, it becomes your duty that they succeed in their endeavour - which in our case is a photographic experience - even if you let in the wrong people at times. It is your job to lead them from start to finish. You are the one with the experience in your circle, and they are visiting. Think of yourself as the visitor centre in a foreign country. Clients come in mostly unaware of what to expect, what to do, and often also have no clue about things that are important in a great photo session - like choice of outfit, or scheduling around nap times so you have happy children, or even to have children wear comfortable clothing because an itchy tag can send even the most well-adjusted adult into a frenzy! At a visitor centre, the visitor needs help in navigating an unknown landscape. It is the obligation of the centre staff to make this person feel welcome and comfortable, to explain and give directions, provide valuable information and set them up for success in enjoying their travels. You don’t say, “you should have done online research before coming!” Have you ever looked at the reviews in Trip Advisor? Bad reviews are mostly due to people not receiving this care and being left to feel vulnerable, uncared for. Your circle of safety obligation is to conduct yourself like the visitor centre - you are the expert and you will help your clients have a great trip! If somehow their experience shifts and becomes poor, think about how as the expert you may have done something differently to ensure no one else goes down that road.
The attitude of “it’s your fault” is not a judgement. It is a statement that helps you reflect on where things derailed. If you open yourself up to this accountability, then you open yourself up to growth and that can lead to making changes that will only serve you and your clients better and let you get better at working with only the right people (or even right enough). I’m quite happy for everything to be my fault because it means that I have the ability to change it. Can you imagine how helpless it would be to feel that you have no choice in who you interact with? I’d say it would be similar to working for one of those big-box studios - you’re in a room with the set and the camera and have no control over who walks in. You have to deal with it all. When you are the leader, and have found an issue, it’s amazing because you know you have power to do things differently. Having everything be your fault is the only place you want to be!
Empathy
When you have empathy you have the power of human connection. All of our interactions with others are emotional, even if in the most logistical of meetings. Placing an order at a drive-through? Connection. Sitting through an annual financial report? Connection. You can’t remove it. When we block our empathy we experience things like impatience, opposition. Person taking your drive-through order gets it wrong? Anger. What if you had empathy for the young adult trying hard to manage a first job and they are flustered by a long line of demanding customers? Anger might melt into understanding, and the desire to say a few kind words like “hang in there.” And then go hug your teen at home who is currently looking for similar work. And do you think that person will want to be combative with you, difficult with the transaction or vindictive and turn your fries out of their container before handing you the bag? No, just maybe their heart will feel your empathy and it will make your transaction pleasant - they could even go above and beyond to make the experience better for you.
If you enter a photoshoot without empathy, your energy can be felt. If you already had your back up because mom emailed you a million times on what her husband should wear, and then you see him in a ball cap and a hockey shirt as you approach them, you are accumulating an empathy debt. And now that energy is drifting to clients, who feel stiff, mom is apologetic about the hockey jersey and feels like crap, and their kid starts to cry because mom is curt with them. Ever happen similarly to you?
“It’s all my fault” gives you the power of change
So let’s herald the phrase we have come to love “It’s my fault.” What does that activate? The ability to reflect and to see how things could have been different. Could a wardrobe guide have helped instead of feeling out of control with 10 messages in your inbox from mom? Could a comical “what your husband should never wear to a photo shoot or I will club him over the head with a tripod” wardrobe guide make them laugh but get dad to put on something more neutral? Would an attitude of photographing them the way they are, hockey jersey or beer-drinking hat, and all, remove pressure from you and allowing you to embrace whatever they want to show in their photos? Or would have some mining for more information from this couple and then politely declining them if you were very clear that you need everyone in formal-wear or jeans and white tees (and they don’t own those things) worked better - allowing them the space to find their right photographer?
The most awesome aspect of saying “It’s my fault” is that while you can take accountability for improving things, you can also take credit for good things, for successes. Amazing review - your fault! Client orders 1,000 worth of wall art - your fault! You created the conditions for that great review. You had a kickass process for demonstrating the value of wall art.
What my extreme example comes down to is YOU. You don’t have to be blown around by a tumbleweed. You don’t have to say yes to things that you don’t want to take on. You don’t have to offer discounts, extras, make exceptions, lower prices to book more. You can make all the choices, and if something is sour, you have the power to make adjustments to the next set of choices. And if you’ve made some poor choices and feel empathy draining, remind yourself of the circle of safety and graciously help things get to the end. When you are big enough to take full responsibility for every.single.thing that happens to you, that empowerment helps you feel less helpless in the face of difficult requests, and helps to motivate you when things go well. It’s a cop-out to take full responsibility for what goes great (like a $1,000 canvas sale) but to blame a client and shuck responsibility if they were difficult during the session or after and then seek validation in ranty FB posts. When you make your business a safe place and practice empathy, then you are on your way to becoming the leader that Simon Sinek speaks about - and those kinds of leaders create followers who are dedicated and committed to the common cause, which is to help make your business a success!
Tell me what is your fault in your business - good and bad!
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